Coping with Infertility on Mother's Day

 

While Mother's Day may be a time for family and celebration to those with children, it can be a time of isolation and depression for those who have difficulty having children, or can't have them at all.  A quote by Beverly Barna, author of Infertility Sucks! expresses what many women are feeling on this Hallmark occasion....

"I think that a lot of the emotions and challenges we endure have some basic antecedents that transcend specific situations: the isolated feelings, the sense that one is being left out, the frustration, the feeling of being punished, the realization that we grew up taking for granted that we would be mothers."

Mother's Day can be the hardest time of the year for many women, and every woman with fertility issues will find a different way to cope with the holiday. Here is a helpful excerpt with some ideas on self-care from the RESOLVE website:

Take a Proactive Stance
Think ahead about the day and plan a strategy in advance. Don't wait until the holiday is upon you to make plans.

Focus on Your Parents/Grandparents or Special Parental Figure
Make this a special time for them. If a family gathering is planned and it will be pleasant for you, go and enjoy. But, if lots of children or pregnant relatives will be present, and you know this will be upsetting, consider other possibilities. You might plan to see your mother/father at another time during the weekend.

Recognize Potential Painful Situations
Restaurants, for example, may be a source of discomfort. They may ask if you are a mother or a father in order to give you a complimentary item. Be prepared for this question so you are not taken off-guard.

Consider Joining a Support Group
A support group will help you feel less isolated, empower you with knowledge and validate your emotional response to the life crisis of infertility. (in Canada, visit www.iaac.ca to find a local support group in your city)

Speak to Your Minister or Rabbi
Before a religious service, talk with your clergyperson (or write a letter) and educate him/her about the experience of infertility. Perhaps he/she would be willing to say a prayer or offer words of support for those struggling with this crisis.

Plan an Enjoyable Day Together
It is important to work as a couple during these difficult days. Consider tuning out the holiday emphasis entirely and make it an opportunity for a fun day together plan a day outdoors to go hiking, bicycling, or walking on a beach. See that movie you've wanted to see or create a special meal.

Here is another blog that shares some heartfelt suggestions as well.

Celebrate who you are and what you do have.  I believe that gratitude has a soothing, healing effect on a heart that is hurting.  Loving yourself is perhaps the greatest gift you can give your potential child.

Be gentle with yourself this Mother's Day.

~ blog post by Stephanie

 

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